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Connoisseur Corner

This section takes a light-hearted view of our industry and related products.

As lovers of whimsy, we are delighted to share the humour / poetry / originality of the following items that have been affectionately composed for us, or sent to us by friends and customers.

If you would like to submit an article for consideration then please send it to hello@yesyesyes.org

condom_fcuk_smlBranded condoms

Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms and kept the same tag line….

In quoting the following, we would like to emphasise that this in no way represents our endorsement of the opinions of the brands mentioned.

Sainsbury condoms – Making life taste better.

Tescos condoms – Every little helps.

Nike condoms – Just do it.

Peugeot condoms – The ride of your life.

Galaxy condoms – Why have rubber when you can have silk.

KFC condoms – Finger licking good.

Minstrels condoms – Melt in your mouth, not your hands.

Safeway condoms – Lightening the load.

Abbey National condoms – Because life is complicated enough.

Coca Cola condoms – The real thing.

Ever Ready condoms – Keeps going and going.

Pringles condoms – Once you pop, you can’t stop.

Burger king condoms – Home of the whopper.

Goodyear condoms – For a longer ride go wide.

FCUK condoms – No comment required.

Muller light condoms – So much pleasure, but where’s the pain.

Halfords condoms – We go the extra mile.

Royal mail condoms – I saw this and thought of you.

Andrex condoms – Soft, strong and very very long.

Renault condoms – Size really does matter.

Ronseal condoms – Does exactly what it says on the tin.

Ronseal quick-drying condoms – Its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes.

Domestos condoms – Gets right under the rim (please).

Heineken condoms – reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach.

Carlsberg condoms – Probably the best condoms in the world.

AA condoms – For the 4th emergency service.

Pepperami condoms – Its a bit of an animal.

and ….

Polo condoms – The condom with the hole


Our Lube’s Prayer

Our Lube that doth drop from Heaven
Hallowed be thy moisture
Thy Lotion runs
Thy orgasm comes
In bed as it does in Heaven
Give us today our daily grope
And forgive us our fornication
As we forgive those who fornicate without us
Lead us into temptation
But deliver us from all chafing
For thine is the romping
The pleasure and the orgy
Yes is forever
And that is the glory



The Witches of Rivett.

The Witches of Rivett, you want it, they’ll give it
They’re sexy and sassy and smart
They’ll tickle your fancy, be you straight, dyke or nancy
Such is their mysterious art

With circular motion, the seeds become potion,
These alchemists refine their brew
Secluded in Rivett, they stir it and sieve it
Their heads bent low over the stew

They’ve travelled the world far and wide for the best
Long and devoted their search
Yeah, but what’s in it? ……… sssh, relax and begin it,
Trust them, they’ve done the research

Silver fox or fanatic, queer or rheumatic,
We all have those moments of dryness
But now there’s an answer, a love-life enhancer
Be shameless, there’s no need for shyness

Think it’s all over, too old, out to clover,
Sex, what me?  Oh no never!
Now you’ve got an incentive, come on, be inventive
With YES ….. well, love is forever

Black or Caucasian, Chinese or Asian
This product’s got world wide attraction
Alone or with others, with strangers or lovers
Your YES keeps you ready for action

DIY’s as much fun as a slow One to One
You don’t need to wait to be two
Get juicy, get squeezy, with YES it’s so easy
The Lube Lab has something for you

The lube is organic so no need to panic,
No side effects, rashes or spasms
Quite the reverse infact, you’ll be immersed
In fantastic and multi-orgasms

Keep YES in your pocket, your bag or your sock
It’s an aid to communication
When relationship’s tough and words aren’t enough,
Try something else: LUBERATION


Christmas Hokey Pokeysponed to St. Valentine’s Day

You put your finger in, you pull your finger out
You find your little button and stroke it all about
Playing pokey with your hokey, without a doubt
That’s what it’s all about.

Ooh, the hokey pokey, mmm, the hokey pokey
Aah, the hokey pokey, no mess, no stress, just YES YES YES!

You put your penis in, you pull your penis out
Dip it in the lube and wiggle it about
From Aukland to Alaska, you can hear them shout
This is what it’s all about

Ooh, the hokey pokey, mmm, the hokey pokey
Aah, the hokey pokey, no mess, no stress, just YES YES YES!

You lie on your back, and you lie on your front
You try to think of England, while you listen to him grunt
It helps the hokey pokey, with some lube juice in your ….
That’s what it’s all about.

Ooh, the hokey pokey, mmm, the hokey pokey
Aah, the hokey pokey, no mess, no stress, just YES YES YES!

You wish you had a woman, you wish you had a man
You’ll find you don’t need either with a good right hand
Get squeezing with the lubes, down there amongst your pubes
That’s what it’s all about.

Ooh, the hokey pokey, mmm, the hokey pokey
Aah, the hokey pokey, no mess, no stress, just YES YES YES!

You put your right hand in, your left hand too
Fore play, more play, the pleasures all for you
Timid or audacious, voracious or devout
Lube’s what it’s all about.

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